My Name is Von

My name is Von. I am the greatest thing since indoor plumbing. I am that from which great minds are formed. I am that tingling sensation women feel when they were high school girls with crushes on guys that act like jerks. I’m that guy who told you I was your friend but actually wished there was something more.

Yes, I am all these and more.

I love wine, I love exquisite food and molds that form on cheeses cheap and on the verge of rotting. I am your devil incarnate, whatever you can do, I can do better! I am that nagging conscience telling women that personalities are better than looks.

I am the epitome of grace and charm and good taste and rugged metro sexuality..

I am funny, I am witty, I am the most civilized, balanced and even-tempered. I am that which women call romantic. I’ll be whoever you want me to be while feeding you excellent dinner, having a brilliant conversation, and wiping that little smudge of butter on your left cheek. If we’re out drinking, be cautious and patient because I just might tell you the secret to life if I am in the mood.

I am the most desirable. I represent the high point of all seasons. I can be with anyone and anywhere I want to be in – In the households of heads of states, with corporate honchos, media moguls, movie royalties, the movers and the shakers, thinkers and doers of the world, rubbing elbows with every high and mighty personality there is, unflinching in my quest for the seat of power.

Marriage with me is likely a success because they say I am the union of true minds. I am the most emphatic, open-minded and urbane, charismatic, and sociable although a little flirtatious and self-indulgent.

I’ve tripped the light fantastic and managed to come out of it clean, sober, and vertical. I am strong, I am resilient. Hurtful words mean nothing to me. I have pride, I have compassion, I am one hell of a think tank giving light to every bit of human confusion there is. To decipher me requires a leap of logic that your puny little minds simply cannot comprehend.

You know I’ll be with you forever, when we’re old and grey, our once youthful skin wrinkled beyond botox, when our teeth are all but shattered, I’ll be here, back to where we started— as friends, as lovers. And in the end, when the doctors proclaim they’ve done their best, I’ll be beside you, holding your hand and I’ll give you a final kiss, just like our first one— sweet and innocent and you’ll thank me because I remembered it just like it was yesterday.

When I’m gone, I’ll be another one of life’s great mysteries, and you will regret not knowing me, all of you who have neglected this great oak from which a humble little acorn sprung.

If I die today I have no legacy to leave, no large amounts of money stashed in some remote swiss bank account, no urban living barely sentient tinker to inherit my quaint little traits and eccentricities.

Nope, this is all I have…

My name is Von..

and I’m yours….