Tampons Anyone?

This article humorously discusses the misconceptions and cultural stigmas surrounding the use of tampons in the Philippines, highlighting how the conservative and predominantly Catholic society views them. Join me as I, Von dela Cruz, attempt to compare tampons with sanitary napkins, addressing myths and providing practical information to encourage more Filipino women to consider tampons as a viable option for menstrual hygiene. The piece blends humor with insightful commentary on the cultural challenges that affect the acceptance of tampons in the Philippines. The funny thing is… I still can’t believe I got paid for writing this back in 2020. 

Introduction

I really don’t get it. Tampons. In the history of feminine hygiene, no other product has ever been more misunderstood. It’s all too brazen assurance to help women’s battle in trying to ease the menstrual flow, turning it into a more or less convenient experience is as perplexing as why women go cuckoo every month. Okay and most days.

Used as far back as the Egyptian times, tampons were initially made from wool. I can almost imagine those Egyptian women literally scratching their hair out, trying to get rid of that itch. Like hell.  Hmm. They must’ve walked funny too. That’s like stuffing your peepee with a dead squirrel.  No wonder Cleopatra turned out to be such a self-absorbed (pun intended) and ruthless tyrant who chopped men’s heads off at will. Probably scratched her peepee her entire life as well. But that’s a whole different topic altogether. 

Tampons 101

But really, what are tampons anyway? Before I dig further into the topic, let’s all take a closer look at tampons’ etymological presence in today’s society for a while. Maybe this would help shed some light on its current social infamy.

Simply described,  it’s a plug of firm and smoothened cotton or other absorbent material (I hope not wool!!!)  inserted in the vagina during menstruation. So basically, it’s meant to absorb blood coming from your, you know, ahh, coochie. There are different absorption levels too depending on how much of a bleeder you are. But yeah, it is the sanitary napkins’ long-time nemesis and adversary.

Although in today’s society, more people around the world still prefer using napkins. Primarily because they’re easier to apply. And maybe because there’s no need for vaginal insertion. I understand how this can be puzzling for some, stressful even, and for most Filipinas, (the Philippines, being, our focused region of the topic) confusing and at times, even morally improper. 

Our predominantly catholic country,  with its’ coon’s age subject of ridicule and apathy towards the use of tampons is a marketing enigma. I, Von dela Cruz, therefore, will try to unclothe the myths that surround it. Its’ reasons, sometimes bordering from the ludicrous to the entirely discriminatory. 

Tamps or Naps? A Filipina Woman’s Dilemma

Anyway, to be fair to everyone, tampon public consumption has always been a preference. Particularly, and much to anyone’s surprise, of the geographic nature. Here in the Philippines, the subject of safety and religion is often the topic of much public debate. No kidding. The typical Pinay’s hesitation in using tampons to heed nature’s call for feminine hemoglobin stoppage has been met with wonder and an utter display of consternation and irreverence.

Why, you may ask? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Blame it on our culture and religion, forever immersed in a protective trench of predictable conservatism. 

Incidentally, progressive countries like the U.S., U.K., and Canada, who have long set aside their feminine conventions and thrown them out the window faster than you can say modern industrialism do not share the same sentiments that Filipinas have on using these bad boys. 

Sorry. I meant, bad girls. 

These “modern” countries, apparently, have chosen tampons for their intended practicality. While the Philippines has ostensibly remained idealistic in its ways. It’s no surprise that you won’t see tampons or any of its variants anywhere in supermarkets or in television ads promoting the product. In fact, if you have an affinity for traveling, all you have to do is pick up a traveler’s consumer guide and check the availability of sanitary products. Chances are, the only menstrual commodities offered are either a napkin or a tampon. These two blood-sucking workhorses have been slugging it out since time immemorial. In the Philippines, napkins reign supreme. 

Tampons and their Underlying Problem

And why is that? Well, probably one of the all too common reasons is Toxic Shock Syndrome or TSS. 

Particularly associated with tampons, it’s a complication from certain types of bacterial infection. But it’s now considerably a rare phenomenon, having the lowest percentile of occurrence ever arising from its use.  It’s like being afraid to go to the gym and having delayed onset muscle syndrome the following day. A proper warm-up prevents this from happening just as proper hygiene reduces the risk of TSS occurring. Other than this, to be honest, I  practically see no other reason why Filipino women shouldn’t be using them more often. And why Filipino women still prefer using sanitary napkins over them. 

I also don’t see where I am going with this. Or why I should write about something so organ sensitive. Well, uh, apparently, this whole Covid19 situation is taking longer than I expected so I thought- might as well be a subject matter expert on something! Anyway, back to our topic. Ladies, please focus. Gents, please try to keep up. 

So I did a side-by-side comparison in the spirit of impartiality. And you’ll be glad to know that the use of tampons has almost equal benefits with sanitary napkins. 

For one, you can swim in them. Plus, they’re ultra discreet. Yes. It fits in the palm of your hand. And this is great news for all grown-up men around the world tasked to purchase napkins for their wives. Lastly, you practically won’t feel a thing once the tampons are in. (I’ve been told.)  So, in a way, it gives you a sense of security and comfort along the way.

As for napkins, on the other hand, they still bring about the greatest form of discomfort for women. Ever tried wearing leggings and trying your best to hide the pad linings from showing? You won’t have that kind of problem with tampons! Say goodbye to wearing string bikinis too if that’s your thing!  Napkins also reduce your mobility as they constantly shift out of place and wrinkle up in the center. Plus (and this is a big plus at that), napkins are a perennial environmental letdown. They’re obviously bigger than tampons, making them more non-biodegradable. So expect them to create more natural habitat damage. 

To put it in a more visual perspective, I’m sure a manatee would rather swallow a tampon that looks like a cannelloni pasta smothered in Pomodoro sauce than swallow a napkin that looks like a grotesquely gnarled-up remnant of a store-bought burrito. 

Myths, beliefs, and other Tampon Related Misconceptions

I also found out that a lot of consumer apprehension arises from the simple fact that not much educational information can be found on social media. I can’t really blame the industry that it stands on. It is a rather sensitive kind of product. You just don’t expect women on TV to show off their lady garden and teach other women how to slap these babies on. Nope. They can only display the driveway but they can never reveal the front door. Very casually, napkins, being a somewhat safer, less controversial alternative, have “put the chains on” this medical product’s information ankles. Yes, napkins will always be that car that everybody knows where to park. 

That being said, the public still has to be aware of its pros and cons just like any other feminine brand on the market. I, Von dela Cruz,  of course, respect all variations of women’s preferences. Not so much as to debunk an established social practice but to give insight into the factors that influenced a specific norm. So to give you a bit of written insight, here are a few corrections and product literacies on this feminine hygiene product:

1. Tampons have an expiration date. It’s usually found on the side of the box it came with. But kept inside the box, it would have a shelf life of about 5 years. That’s plenty of time to contemplate whether to use them or not.

2. A tampon is considered inserted properly when your vagina naturally holds it in its place. And I guess if you can do a Lava Walk, that means you did the right thing.

3. You don’t lose your virginity to tampons. No. You lose it to Jose, your high school sweetheart who told you that he was going to marry you after college and bought you that cheap stainless silver ring from your next-door neighbor with a garage sale. 

4. There’s such a thing as Vaginismus. It’s the inability to put in a tampon because you’re so tense that it would hurt. Or as men would rather call it- Friendzoned!

5. You can pee with a tampon in. Now that’s a sigh of relief!

6. Tampons are not fit for sleeping in. Only sanitary napkin pads distinctly have that advantage. A very huge advantage if I may say. 

7. You can shower or bathe with a tampon on. The point goes to tampons on this one. 

8. Tampons hurt only if inserted incorrectly. So make sure your vajayjay doesn’t hold any grudges towards you by properly inserting them and making sure they’re warm and compactly hydrated. 

9. Does using a tampon break or tear your hymen? No, it does not. You break it because of your well-hung highschool sweetheart Jose, who told you he was going to marry you after…

10. Tampons are very absorbent. It forms a semi-coagulated get that makes it less messy than napkin pads. So if you’re blood squeamish, tampons might be a better option for you. 

Tampons’ Influence on Filipina Values

But even with this list of insights, myth-busters, and do’s and don’ts, the Philippines, still, has had a long-standing indifference to tampons. Additionally, an even greater disdain if we are to consider the immoral insignia assigned to it by our elderlies. Tampons, sadly, have been earmarked as a tool for the disgraced woman. Naturally, it just does not conform to this Catholic nation’s belief in the catechism’s vow of chastity. As for the connotation that these products can only be used by women who’ve already lost their virginity, an all too absurd and unreasonable consideration and logic are employed as the common and traditional Filipina’s constant frame of mind. 

In fact, probably the only tampon reference I could find from the Philippines was back in 1998 when an ex-sexy Filipina starlet was apprehended by Guam customs officials when she tried to vehemently snatch back a watch case suspiciously hidden inside her bag. When asked by the  U.S. state police what was inside it, she then tried to adopt the old “used tampon excuse” technique. Unsurprisingly, found inside the watch case is an assortment of drug paraphernalia and two sets of semi burnt tissue strips used for burning methamphetamine hydrochloride. Hmm. I’m pretty sure that’s not what a used tampon looks like! The police were quick to catch up on this too. Obviously looking like a pureblooded Pinay, Guam custom officials were willing to bet she’s never seen much less used tampons before. The old “used napkin excuse” would’ve saved the day for her. 

Plugging It In

So there you go. You have been warned. You have been informed. Choose your poison. Either way, give tampons a try. Or don’t. For Filipinas everywhere, I advise you to see the big picture. Not everything you do has moral and religious implications. At the end of the day, it’s just a medical product that one uses to alleviate the many inconveniences women have with menstruation. Currently, the Philippines is still one of those countries with a very low tampon usage percentage. I’m putting this out there not to discredit old practices but to hopefully instill new ones. Also, I’m sick and tired of watching napkin commercials. 

Anyway, maybe it has something to do with the name itself. A Tampon sounds way too close to the Filipino word “Tapon”, meaning- to throw away. And we all know how frugal Filipinos can be.  We just hate throwing away anything. Unfortunately, we are born natural hoarders. I’d like to think then that if there’s a way to keep tampons in there for months at a time, maybe these little blood suckers would be the king of feminine hygiene. Well, queen, to be exact, if you prefer to be gender-specific. 

As a whole, cultural myths about tampons are the main reason why women have been holding back from using them. This, I know and feel is the real crux of the matter. For some, the idea of inserting something alien on one’s self seems discombobulating. Or maybe napkin familiarity bred contempt for it. Nevertheless, wearing tampons does not mean giving up on your homegrown virtues-purity and chastity. It only means that you have reached a point where you know what your body wants and that you don’t want to give it a sense of pleasure and anonymity anymore. As a new decade arrives,  I really hope Filipino women make the right choices this time. My goal, mainly, is to make a large social impact and a small environmental impact. 

Or maybe, or maybe? I’m really just sick and tired of watching those same old boring napkin commercials…