It occurred to me that if there’s one thing that I do very well- it’s complaining. Yep. That’s what I do. I complain. I have this immense tendency to complain. Like a lot. So much that it has become routinary. After complaining, I eat a sandwich. Then I immediately look for something to complain about.
It’s something that I’ve grown accustomed to.
It’s sort of my motif. It’s kinda my thing.
My designated if not preferred attitude.
And for the most part of the complaining process, it’s usually directed at people. Those groups of people deserve to be penciled in immediately for a quick visit to the angel of death. Because admit it, there are certain individuals out there who deserve to be killed.
Slowly. With a dull butter knife…
Like for example, friends who sneeze and cup both their hands over their faces and inconspicuously wipe the snot that’s now on their palms on the side of their pants. Now why is it that they always think that they got away with it? Oh no you did not. They always seem to feel like nobody ever sees this overrated ninja move. It’s because other people’s tendency is to look away. But not me. Gago! I was watching you the whole time. Tapos aapir ka pa sakin? Don’t you dare touch my fucking hand!
I hate people who regularly tag you in their photos when it’s clearly a good photo of them and a bad photo of you. Crop me. Honestly, I won’t mind. I also hate people who post just about everything they do at any given point in time on Facebook! God! Please stop sharing your most mundane experiences! If you’re not dying, nobody has to know you’re a little sick. If you’re feeling great no need to post it-I guarantee life will make sure it won’t last long! If you can’t sleep, read a fucking book. If you just woke up, thank God you’re still alive.
Now how about those overachieving, validation-thirsty parents who post daily affirmations of their children’s scholastic progress? I mean, we already know she’s good in math and almost every subject known to man! We’ve witnessed every award and medal she’s ever received! Puta! You’ve been posting it every day for the last 15 years! She’s engaged now, two months pregnant and 10 months delayed on her credit card payments. Don’t you think you should take a rest and let her live her own life?
Here’s a real mood bender- Women and their feet. I made numerous complaints about this and yet no one would listen. They just refuse to understand! I really don’t get it how some women can still wear flip-flops with their toes a good inch away from each other. This is not right. In fact, it’s a travesty. Those toes should be like family- close and tight. If not and if your feet resemble the size and shape of a ginger before getting julienned by a sharp knife, for the love of God- please invest in closed shoes!
Also. And this is extremely important so pay attention- people who don’t like me. That’s something worth complaining about. I like myself. You should too. No hidden pretense here whatsoever. Push your ego a bit to the side, talk to me, and know that I’m a very sensible person who delivers decent comprehensible conversations on almost any topic that you might think of. Well, except math and politics.. world history, again politics, economics, the occult, world religions, philosophy, evolutionary biology, anime and manga, video games, quantum mechanics -and I can’t stress this enough- math. These things I don’t need in my life. And it really wouldn’t matter. A lot of people like me. Even dogs love me. That guy crossing the street who I let pass when I was driving yesterday likes me. Heck, even my boss likes me. I think. And god bless her, she’s among the discerning lot.
Now yung makakapal ang mukha na walang utang na loob at malakas manira ng mga kapwa tao nila that’s a different story.
These people should not just be killed. They deserve to be maimed, pillaged, raped, crippled, deeply wounded, battered, mangled, mutilated, and truncated to a point where the only deserving dignity to be spared for them is a 5-second phone call to the aggravated so they can say sorry and at least die with some semblance of respect.
There.
That’s enough complaining for today. Now excuse me. My phone’s ringing.
It’s President Duterte.
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